I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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