I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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