I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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