Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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