Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How does one acquire holy water?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
