Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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