oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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