apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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