Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Church boner. Awkwardddd
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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