LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
