I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
