Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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