You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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