Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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