I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
