I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
be right there i have to get my cape
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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