So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
