i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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