I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
