How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
