my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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