Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's just like the Real World with babies
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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