It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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