we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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