youre lurking in front of me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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