Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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