Where did you get a picture of my penis
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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