Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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