The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
