I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
