So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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