like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
