She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
