16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
