He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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