I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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