i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
