i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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