dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
