just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if only i could text you this smell
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
