I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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