So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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