eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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