She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want to make out with him forever
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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