you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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