And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
