Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
