I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
