The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
