seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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