I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
