I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
