The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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