I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
