what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
